Nine Dead: Just horrible, no awesome about it

I'm not entirely sure what caught my eye when I selected "Nine Dead" for my Netflix instant pick, but one thing's for sure, I wish I hadn't. I'd like to say I'm a glass half full kind of person, but I find it pretty daunting trying to find something I liked about this movie.

I'm no stranger to films with borrowed plots, but this one reminded me a lot of Saw and Saw II. If you didn't notice from some of the other reviews, I might have a slight obsession with James Wan (writer of Saw), so I'm definitely familiar. Coinciding with the second Saw film, strangers are brought together and asked to figure out what they have in common. And similar to the first Saw film, instead of a character sawing off his foot, one of these guys has someone help him by breaking a hand so he can slide it out of his handcuff.

What they didn't borrow from the Saw films unfortunately, was a good twist. Sure, the reason why the strangers are brought to the room is interesting. They have all contributed to someone's death and done some horrible things to others in the process. There definitely could have been other or more entertaining ways to come to this conclusion however.

My first issue with the film: pace. The killer gave everyone ten minutes to tell him why the strangers were all brought here before he would make his next fatal shot. It felt as if there were hours between deaths though. And the worst part, was I couldn't even find myself empathizing with the characters enough to want the time to drag on. I almost asked the killer to shoot me next so I wouldn't have to finish the movie.

Not only was the ending disappointing, but the last frame faded to black and the credits came down before any substance could be added or horribleness could be justified. It was just over. I wonder if the writers gave up or the director shot himself when he realized this was going to have his name on it.

Do yourself a favor and save yourself and others from ever watching this. It's 98 minutes you can't get back. Nine Dead: all horrible and no awesome. Well, it was awesome when the credits rolled out.

Fear Island: doesn't really frighten

While I can't say I was ever really frightened by anything but the lack of intelligence of the characters, I must say that there was some greatness to "Fear Island."

A group of young adults goes to an island to blow off steam and party for the weekend. Simple enough premise, just throw in a killer and you've got a Netflix streaming gem. First though, the rough parts must be brought to light.

There has to be a certain amount of yelling at the television for a horror movie to work. For example, "don't go in the creepy basement," or "don't split up." Yet these characters, time and time again fail to make good decisions. The characters in this movie however, could have led me to break my roommate's T.V.

The first person killed off is discovered hanging upside down in the woods with "evil" written across his shirt in blood. The group naturally comes to the conclusion that this is a suicide. Then there's the whole situation of a stranger getting on the boat to enjoy the weekend with them and instead of questioning said stranger, taking her in as if this is a normal occurrence. And when the group finally comes to their senses and realizes the dead guy has been murdered, they obviously point fingers at each other, but fail to think of the outsider as the odd man out.

I'm obviously worried that these actors may not be the sharpest tools in the shed, but then out of nowhere the movie picks up and it's apparent that a psychological twist is brewing.

In the case of "Fear Island" I will say that it's worth watching if you've really got nothing else do, or you're putting off doing the homework you really should be doing. It starts out slow and doesn't really pick up until it's three quarters through, but the stupidity of the characters will keep you going.

There really is some hidden meaning to this, so I will give the writers credit. The way that the characters die do symbolize a deeper meaning and there is a perfect twist that you'll hit herself in the head for if you didn't see it coming. That's my kind of ending.

Image courtesy of http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1109583/

Forget cats and dogs, Sharknado's coming through

Where to begin with this one? From the one-liners to the acting, everything about this movie is a hot mess. And I couldn't love it more.

The first sign of how great this movie would be came from the opening SyFy credit. Literally anything is possible in a SyFy movie. That's where Zombie Strippers came from folks. Then of course the over the top slayings by the sharks really set it up for greatness.

This is really one of the those movies that you don't have to watch closely, believe me you're not going to miss some sort of deeper meaning or not be able to connect the dots later. Hell, it might even be better with alcohol.

What does make this movie one of my top Horribly Awesome picks though is just how unlikely it all is. Have you ever had a dream where you were scared, realized it was just a dream and were able to control what happened next? That's the feeling I got when I watched this movie. You bet the protagonist was going to chainsaw his way outside of a shark's stomach completely unharmed. And I didn't even bat an eyelash when he pulled out a supporting actress who had "died."

Don't get me wrong, the writers did try to throw in a soft spot towards the beginning of the film. The father who goes to save his broken family, does stop to rescue a stranded school bus full of children. Just when you think the film could have a spark of good to it however, they go and do something like this. "My mom always said Hollywood would kill me," the school bus driver joked as he dodged letters of the Hollywood sign being blown around in the wind. Too bad the last letter crushed him before his next breath.

The slogan for this movie is "Enough Said." While I do think "Sharknado" does quite say it all, it's definitely still worth the watch.

"These sharks really have no etiquette," one of the characters remarked after being bitten while riding his jet ski.

"No shit," a shark said back.

OR

"Why is there a retirement home next to an airport?"
"Because old people can't hear."

One set of lines is really said in the movie. Can you guess which one?

Image courtesy of http://www.imdb.com/title/tt2724064/

'The Conjuring' conjures excitement yet slight disappointment

It's got to be one the highest anticipated horror movies to come out in this decade thus far, and I will say that it was good. But that's the best I can do: "good."

Don't get me wrong, the writing, cinematography, CGI and the score were done to fantastic caliber. I will give credit where credit is due. The effect of the lighting for the film was spot on. Low key for the creeptastic scenes and a little bit of high key when the family reminisces about fonder moments. I'm a little biased when it comes to the writing, recognizing elements from some other James Wan film right away. The dolls seem familiar to anyone? Try "Dead Silence" or "Insidious," both from the same writer/director James Wan. It's the ending that's got me scratching my head, and if you've seen the other films I've mentioned by Wan, you'll know that he knows better.

My absolute favorite part of horror movies, horribly awesome or not, is the ending. It's all in the ending. Johnny Depp explained this in "Secret Window," when he played a deranged writer. Hint: awesome ending there.

That's where I do have to say that "The Conjuring" fell short. Even though I may be a grown woman, I should be reduced to the state of a toddler after watching this. I should be trying to sleep in my roommate's bed, with every single light in our apartment on. 

Sure, I jumped throughout the film. Even let out a not so attractive yelp at one point. My point is, everything that could still scare me, make me worry that the bad could get me throughout the night, was vanquished.

A great scary movie ends like this:

Villian dies or is banished in an over the top fashion

Protagonist and friends celebrate or give a sigh of relief

Short period of time passes

Villian is NOT dead or banished and/or plot twist

My false sense of happiness didn't happen in this one. All the characters felt safe at the end and everything was resolved. See my frustration?

To all my friends who told me I wouldn't be able to get a good night's sleep again: I bid you a goodnight.

Image from http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1457767/?ref_=nv_sr_1

"Memory" remains unmemorable

Have you ever watched a movie that had the potential to be great, but just couldn't achieve that greatness?

That’s what happened when I watched one of Netflix’s Top 10 recommendations for me.  This one was entitled “Memory.”

Reading the brief description of the plot might not have been enough alone for me to choose this particular movie.

“Dr. Taylor Biggs (Billy Zane) is haunted by a past that's not his own. A hallucinatory drug gives him the power to see visions of vicious crimes, visions made all that more disturbing when he discovers that the murderous memories may belong to the father he never knew (Dennis Hopper). Deirdre Blades co-stars as Biggs's mother, whose own failing memory makes her powerless to help him unravel his family history,” states Netflix.

If it weren't for Billy Zane and Dennis Hopper, this probably would have been lost to one of the thousands of choices I have out of the streaming titles.

The movie takes off rather slow, with awkwardly delivered dialogue.  I’m actually wondering if Billy Zane’s colleague is supporting a real “molest ache,” if it’s just part of the movie magic or lack there of.

In the next scene, the doctors are asked to do a consult while still in town for their conference.  The “scans” they’re asked to look at, literally have me laughing out loud as they appear to be something configured using the “Paint” program that I assume is equipped on almost every computer.

After viewing these “scans” it’s inferred that the patient is inflicted with what appears to be cancer, but only attacking the areas of memory.  As Zane’s character searches through the patient’s bag for clues, he rips his glove and becomes exposed to the substance we later find out is responsible for the strange memory mumbo-jumbo.  His hallucinations begin shortly after.

Throughout the film, I find the usual boring elements. Zane’s character sees visions of a serial killer that are “real,” but nobody believes him at first.  He meets a women and they eventually fall in love.  For the most part, even the twists are pretty predictable.

The movie really gets exciting after the second plot point, however when Zane discovers who the real killer is and is hot on their trail.  The last 20 minutes of the film almost make up for how slow the rest of the film is.

Overall, it’s a film that I don’t feel was entirely a waste of my time in comparison to other “gems” in Netflix’s instant selection.  I only wish more time and money could have been spent on the project and that the intensity of the last 20 minutes could be the same throughout the film’s entirety.

"Forget Me Not" already forgotten

The film starts off intriguing enough with a young girl running scared through a cemetery. When she frantically reaches a house, she's asked "What happened?' Between calming down and catching her breath she only replies, "I don't remember."

For the majority of the movie, I too could not remember something. Why I chose the movie and why I continued to watch it.

The incident that really moves the film forward happens after a party. The teens decide to go to the cemetery to play their favorite game, when a random girl shows up asking to play with them. She wins the game, but vanishes jumping off a cliff. Before she jumps, she asks the main character, Sandy, "Do you remember me? You will."

At first, the plot isn't entirely clear. It’s an apparent “teen” horror, although half of the teens appear to be late twenties, early thirties. It mainly focuses on three couples, although some are unfaithful so it was hard to determine who was essentially together. When the characters start mysteriously dying, I wasn't even sure why.

The movie closely follows the characters Sandy, her boyfriend Jake and her brother Eli. After two of their friends have mysteriously died and been forgotten, Sandy asks the group where TJ is. They all look at her as if she’s crazy and ask her who TJ is in return.

I couldn't tell if Sandy was crazy, the writing was bad, her friends were crazy, or what the hell was going on really. To add to the confusion, multiple aspects of the movie stop making sense.
While at a little convenient store, Jake asks Sandy if she's ready to go. She looks for the bike that they rode to the convenient store, when Jake tells her that he left it at home. The character who was TJ’s girlfriend earlier in the movie, comes out of the store not only single, but in jeans and a t-shirt. She was previously wearing a bikini top and a skirt.

I start to infer that whenever a character dies, Sandy is the only one to remember them. All of the others think she’s losing her mind and don't remember anything about the others. Apparently, playing the favorite game in the cemetery again set forth the game into real life.

Even if you can get past the confusing story line, the "ghosts" weren't scary. They appeared to be the characters dying off, turning into the "ghosts" like in the game. In some instances the movie could have scary moments. However, they were ruined. Before a guy gets into his car you can see the ghost get in. Now you're just waiting for the scare to happen.

The last 20 minutes or so, is when I started to actually like the movie. I know now the "rules" of the game and understand what is actually going on. It was a mediocre movie, with a first class ending.

Overall, I didn't love it and I didn't really hate it. It could have definitely been better.  “Forget me not?” I think I already forgot.

"Evil Dead" (Original film) Feb. 2012 Review

"The Evil Dead." It's appeared in my Netflix suggested a couple times, but it sounds like any other 80's horror.  I decided to take a chance and find out exactly what it had to offer. I was glad that I did.

What I didn't realize, that not only was this a true 80's classic, but it was a movie that set the bar and influenced many of the horror movies that I love today. The fact that I've called myself a true horror movie fan before watching this movie, makes me slightly ashamed.

In “The Evil Dead,“ it’s really a simple story line.  Five friends travel to a cabin in the woods. They discover “The Book of Evil,“ and unknowingly release evil upon the cabin the woods and themselves. The evil then taunts and eventually even takes over some of the teens.  It's tag-lined as "the ultimate experience in grueling horror."

It's definitely one of the movies you’re yelling at the screen,  wondering how the characters could be so naive and yet still trying to fix or alter their terrible decisions.

I wouldn't necessarily say that the possessed teens were scary as much as they were downright creepy.  They taunted the character of Ash, played by Bruce Campbell. Campbell himself, sometimes referred to as a “B-movie god,” gives a great performance in the film.
What I found quite comical was the way in which Campbell's character reacts. Up until the last twenty minutes or so, he carries this attitude as if somehow his friends and him will make it out alive.

The last fifteen minutes go into an overload, metropolis of gore.  An oozing, melting, gurgling and spraying mess is only putting it lightly.

The ending is sudden and yet simple.  It satisfies the common horror movie lover. For me, evil always triumphs or leaves room for a sequel, trilogy and so forth. If you can‘t get enough of this one, there‘s a sequel and a few spin-offs.  Plus, it’s even rumored to be in pre-production for a 2013 remake.  “The Evil Dead” is one that any true horror genre lover can't miss, it set up everything for the rest.

Ever since it’s release, It's been referenced in dozens of movies, techniques copied, and ideas reapplied. If you don’t believe me, check out The Evil Dead page on IMDB.com, and look for the Movie Connections page.  Movies like this one set the way for many in the genre like “Cabin Fever,” where five friends go to a cabin in the woods for the weekend, unknowingly develop a flesh eating virus, but all hope to make it out okay. Notice any parallels?